Terryorisms

More of “As the World Bopps Along” May 8, 2011

Rim Shots

There’s already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife.There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.

President Obama gave the order for Navy SEALs to kill bin Laden. When President Bush heard about it, he was really upset, saying, ‘I could have used seals?

It should be pointed out that on the same night Obama was sending a SEAL team to kill Osama Bin Laden, his potential opponent in 2012, Donald Trump was busy firing Playmate of the Month Hope Dworaczyk.

I suppose I should be expressing some ambivalence about the targeted killing of another human being. And yet, in this case — uhhhh, no. I’m good with it.

Apparently there is some controversy over Bin Laden’s last words. One report said that they were: “Damn it! ‘What on earth could be interrupting ‘Celebrity Apprentice?!”

Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ Not to be outdone, on the same night the Cake Boss will reveal his plan for overhauling Medicare.

But most seem to

think that his last words were probably more along the lines of what what most Somali pirates, Al Qaeda bigwigs, and other bad guys usually say when hearing that a SEAL team has come out to play.. : “Oh, crap!”

BIN LADEN STILL DEAD

Trump takes credit, reports being “proud of myself.”

Bin Laden and his security team are usually much more vigilant, but they were all distracted watching Royal Wedding highlights.

The Republicans will credit extension of the Bush tax cuts for the success of the mission.

Klan wizard Donald Trump and his Buffoons of Bigotry Brigade (they need a new name now that ‘Birthers’ is passe) will claim it’s a hoax and demand to see the long-form death certificate.

“I’ve never wished a man dead . . . but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure” – Mark Twain

SEAL Team Six: When you care enough to send the very best

SEAL team Six has an official motto: “The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday”.They also have an unofficial motto (I’m not making this up) which they refer to as WGMATTS. The acronym is for “We get more @ss than toilet seats”. Hey, what do you expect? These are hard-core, to-the-death fighters on a team so black-ops that it technically doesn’t exist. For them, on most missions, like this last one, failure is not an option. It’s either succeed or you don’t come home.So the unofficial motto is part of a darkly macho sense of humor that keeps them going.

They are the best of the best at what they do, and they fight the worst of the worst, and we’re d@mn fortunate to have them on our side. And as far as this American is concerned, lads . . . get some . . . you’ve earned it.

WORLD NEWS

LAST-MINUTE PROBLEMS NEARLY TORPEDOED ROYAL WEDDING

Queen reportedly was upset by learning that the couple have decided to have an open marriage.

Foreign Minister Says Japan Once Again Open for Business

Crippled Fukushima nuclear power plant rebranded as tourist attraction.

Iran: Ahmadinejad Rumored Stepping Down

According to publicist for “Dancing With the Stars.”

U.S. to Give Libyan Rebels $25 Million in Non-Lethal Aid

Half in tanning technology, half in acting classes.

McCain Pushing Libyan Escalation

“Roughly a half-million U.S. troops and it will be a cakewalk.”

ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .

Visitors, Banned for 20 Years, Once Again Allowed in Leaning Tower of Pisa

Catastrophic accident insurance now included in price of admission.

(from The Onion) Vatican Beatifies John Paul II As Patron Saint of Ignoring a Serious Problem Until You Die

And then being credited with performing a “miracle” for something that happened AFTER you were dead (more…)