What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it’s math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
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No doubt we can be lazy parents. But many don’t want to pressure kids into excellence to avoid the perception that you only love them if they are good enough at a task, which is a crappy way to feel about parents, like its your job to do what they want otherwise you are no good. A society of overachievers but are they content? Maybe that is irrelevant in cultures where the daily struggle to improve standard of living is more important than self-actualization.